Wednesday, October 3, 2007

What Every Man Should Know (That Most Women Won't Tell You) Pt. Two

This is a series of observations, and I'll be posting different parts over time.The thing is, women expect men to just know the right answer or the right thing to do, but that is sooo wrong. you cannot a expect a man to know what to do right out of the gate. Just like a woman does not not understand a man all the time, they don't understand us either.Here you go guys. We now come with a handbook! These are some tips and tricks to help you better understand a woman. It's not foolproof, but it's insight and probably more than you knew before.

Coupledom

1. If you have decided that you like a girl enough to date her, tell her. Women may like to think they're psychic, but they’re really not. Not knowing what the status is drives them nuts.

2. When you are ready to take the leap from dating to boyfriend-girlfriend status, tell them. Women hate being confused as to what is going on.

3. If you know you are not looking for a relationship, please, let her know! Women do not want to waste their time with a guy who isn’t even open to exploring the opportunity.

4. It’s the little things you do that make them feel special. Remembering how she takes her coffee in the morning, or her favorite ice cream flavor, means a lot! Write these little idiosyncracies down if you have to, just don't let her find it. The ice cream thing is also a good tactic if she’s had a bad day. Cheer her up with a pint; it may just end up a get-out-jail-free card.

5. Don’t mistake sweet for clingy. Some chicks just like doing nice things. If a chick is at the mall and happens to buy a shirt she thinks you’d like, don’t freak out. Just say thank you. It doesn't mean she's trying to baby you or make you her bitch or anything like that. She just thought you’d like the damn shirt!

Monday, October 1, 2007

What Cosmo is Doing Wrong

Women love Cosmo. It is often referred to as "The Bible". That's a high standard for any publication (except the actual Bible). When all is said and done, Cosmo, Glamour, Marie Claire, and all the others are fabulous. Where can you learn about the newest bag, newest eyeshadow, and newest sex position (guaranteed to MAXIMIZE YOUR ORGASM!) just by turning a page? Amazing.



The only problem is that some women put way too much stock into these articles. Here is a small smattering of some "Tried and True" tips and tricks from the beloved glossy pages women attempt to live by (that the editors need to be smacked for).



Beware The Engagement Chicken



Some mag actually published this recipe. Hey, I'm all for Lemon Garlic Chicken, but any woman who actually prepared this dish with the intention of spotlighting her "wife potential" was most likely disappointed. If a man is going to propose, it won't be because you made chicken. If it was all about the cooking I'd be afraid to cook a T-bone for a loser!



The Elephant Swing/ Love Pretzel



Guys care less what position it's in, as long as it's sex. Sure, you turn a guy on by showing off your contortionist skills, but do you really want to risk slipping a disc and ruining the mood because the article didn't mention that you need to be an Olympic gymnast to twist into the Human Winerack? I didn't think so.




Affordable Fashion!!!

Uh-huh. And just how many people do you know that can pay $75 for a plain white turtleneck that isn't even cashmere? I don't even own a pair a shoes that cost over $50 (well, they cost more than that retail, but I do my damnedest never to actualy pay retail). I think these women with 6-figure salaries need to reassess their idea of affordable. If it costs more than 25% of my rent, it is not affordable.

20 Questions to Get Closer to Your Man

How many men do you know that will answer the question "If you were a creature in the forest, which one would you be?" without first looking at you like you had lobsters crawling out of your ears? Let me assure you, very few. I'm all for tips like planning a picnic or touring a winery to get closer and share an activity or hobby, but asking any questions outside the scope of normal conversation will, at best, get you strange looks. At worst, the man will feel overly psychoanalyzed and wonder about your psychiatric history. Or he may just laugh at you, which sucks enough on its own.

5 Signs He's Gay (and You're a Stereotyping Idiot)

Just because a man likes fashion or Grey's Anatomy does mean he's gay. Hel-lo, there are lesbian make-out sessions on Grey's and wouldn't you rather have a guy looks good and smells clean than a Kurt Cobain throwback? Yeah I thought so. Hell, I used to have a friend who's boyfriend was so metro she began stories with "So Matt was sewing curtains last night..." And let me tell you this guy was super-straight and damn sexy. It's called him being secure in his masculinity. Look at it this way: a miniskirt and stilettos doesn't mean you're a slut. Reading GQ doesn't mean he's gay.

What Every Man Should Know (That Most Women Won't Tell You) Pt. 1

This is a series of observations, and I'll be posting different parts over time.

The thing is, women expect men to just know the right answer or the right thing to do, but that is sooo wrong. you cannot a expect a man to know what to do right out of the gate. Just like a woman does not not understand a man all the time, they don't understand us either.

Here you go guys. We now come with a handbook! These are some tips and tricks to help you better understand a woman. It's not foolproof, but it's insight and probably more than you knew before.

Part One: Winning Her Over


1. Women want to be made to feel special. We do not just come when called. If we do, beware. We may have ulterior motives.

2. Nothing makes a girl feel better than knowing she is truly wanted.

3. Stereotypical gifts, such as flowers and candy, do not mean as much as something you actually put thought into. Remember that time she told you that she likes to write poetry? Well, a new journal will mean a lot more to her than roses that will die in a week. (However, getting her favorite flowers or a bouquet in her favorite color, is a special exception to this rule. This shows her you were paying attention.)

4. Hang out with her friends. Women tend put a lot of stock into what her friends think and how they react to you. When you meet them be yourself. It’s not that she won’t date you if they don’t like you, but it means a lot to her to be able to hang out with a potential boyfriend and her friends at the same time.

5. Introduce her to your friends. Women don’t want to feel like your dirty little secret. They don’t really plan on interfering with your "guy time". A woman just wants to know she's important enough to be brought into the circle. The same goes for your family, but women are much more forgiving when it comes to needing time for that to happen.

Next: Part Two: Entering Couple-dom